By Mallory Mattingly
If you’re a mom or dad who has struggled to find the right way to parent your child, “lighthouse parenting” could be for you.
Parents describes it as “a style of parenting that strives to help children feel safe, comfortable, and confident.”
It’s based on Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg’s book Lighthouse Parenting: Raising Your Child With Loving Guidance for a Lifelong Bond, an “evidence-based parenting action plan that lays the foundation for the kind of relationship in which you will be welcomed as a guide in childhood, throughout adolescence, and beyond.”
Ginsburg told TODAY.com that the parenting style is all about “protecting your child by guiding them, but not doing everything for them.” Moms and dads can “guide their children toward success while maintaining a deep, loving connection.”
He has four principles for parents who think lighthouse parenting could help them out.
Lighthouse parenting is “balanced parenting.”
Ginsburg revealed that lighthouse parenting isn’t necessarily a style but “a translation of what has been culturally proven over many generations and scientifically proven to actually work” when raising children.
Ginsburg added it’s “balanced parenting, offering love and steady guidance, with clear rules and boundaries.”
It starts with a “statement of intent.”
At the start of his book, Ginsburg encourages his readers declare a statement of intent:
I choose to be a Lighthouse Parent. A stable force on the shoreline from which my child can measure themself against. I’ll send my signals in a way they will choose to trust. I’ll look down at the rocks to be sure they don’t crash against them. I’ll look into the waves and trust they’ll learn to ride them, but I am committed to prepare them to do so. I’ll remain a source of light they can seek whenever they need a safe and secure return.
“It’s never too early to start [being a lighthouse parent], nor is it too late to make positive changes in your life,” the author stated.
Related: Children Mirror Parents
Lighthouse parents guide but do not overprotect.
“We let them fall down and get back up. If we hover and refuse to let them fall, they won’t learn the benefits of resilience,” Ginsburg said.
This method allows the child to experience natural consequences so that they can learn from their mistakes.
Lighthouse parenting prioritizes the parent-child relationship.
“Your family will thrive when your child successfully launches as an independent being and when your adult child who is secure in their independence chooses to be interdependent,” Ginsburg writes in the book.
“The secret to creating lifelong interdependence is to be a guide but not controlling,” he told TODAY.com.
The lighthouse parenting style echoes truths moms and dads find in the Bible.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it,” Proverbs 22:6 says, reminding parents of the powerful role they play in their child’s future.
Hebrews 12:11 adds, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
Setting boundaries and disciplining may feel harsh in the moment, but in the long run, when it’s done from a place of love, your children will be able to navigate their lives knowing right from wrong.
If you’re looking for a new to foster your child’s independence while also helping them feel safe and loved, lighthouse parenting might be the answer you’re looking for.
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