Are You a People Pleaser? How This Reality Star Found Freedom

Published: January 10, 2025

Are You a People Pleaser? How This Reality Star Found Freedom

By Movieguide® Contributor

In her new book, COUNTING ON star Jinger Duggar Vuolo details how people-pleasing attitudes left her with crippling fear and how she overcame these tendencies to live a healthy life.

“I was more of the child who just wanted to get along with everyone,” Duggar Vuolo told PEOPLE, explaining how her people-pleasing desires began when she was young. “Even in the family, I would not try to ruffle anyone’s feathers. I just wanted to keep everybody happy with me all the time. I think in my teenage years it started to be more prevalent because at that point, you’re starting to process a lot more.”

As she got older, the desire to please everyone eventually crippled Duggar Vuolo as she struggled with the fact that that is not possible to do. Things got even worse when she was thrust into the spotlight through her family’s show, putting millions of more eyes and opinions onto her.

She eventually came to realize that very few people’s opinions about her truly hold weight, and even those that do, she cannot please all the time. Instead, she looks for support and validation from the Lord and from her husband.

“In those times, I just have to go back to, ‘Okay, wait, I’m not defined by what everyone’s saying today. I’m not defined by these things. My identity is only found in Jesus Christ, and because of who I am in Christ now, it doesn’t matter,’” Duggar Vuolo said in 2021. “I don’t have to worry about other people’s opinions of me and I think that’s something that I wrestle with and I think my family wrestles with.”

This ability to look past what others think of her has become extremely important to Duggar Vuolo as she seeks to help and relate to others through an authentic look at her life, rather than tidying everything up so it is not offensive to anyone.

“I wanted to be able to share from my own heart, my personal experiences of how motherhood has gone, how postpartum has been for me, and just break it down and say, ‘Okay, we don’t all have these perfectly curated lives,’” she said. “‘And I think that everybody needs to see that and understand we don’t need to keep up this facade of who we want people to think we are, but we need to be genuine and real.”

Not sure if you’re a people pleaser? The author shared a quick assessment based on a few different questions on her Instagram.

“What does it feel like to you when someone shows you their approval? What does it feel like in your body when someone seems displeased with you?” the post asked.