By Jessilyn Lancaster
Dear Jesse Ridgway, aka McJuggernuggets,
You kind of blew up the internet with your announcement that you and your wife made the decision to abort your baby, as he would have likely been born with Down Syndrome. It was a shock to many of your fans — but the news of the abortion reached exponential audiences. Instead of grief and mourning, you were met with intense vitriol, especially from people who claim to serve a God of love, forgiveness and redemption.
Believe it or not, I get it. As a conservative Christian, I’ve received many of these same death threats from people in my own circle, even while I was pregnant. They devastated me, and it forced me to change how much of myself I share online. You don’t need me to define your morality right now. You made your choice, and while I disagree with the choice, I’m not here to condemn you. Was this against God’s law? Yes. Did you react in fear after the trauma of already being a medical parent? Also, yes.
I’m a medical mom, too. My oldest son was diagnosed with a developmental disability when he was just 4 years old. We’ve had years of therapies and some days it feels like we’ve never made progress, and I want to crawl under a rock and weep. My youngest son should have died in the womb. I should have died with him. I was diagnosed with a severe pregnancy condition at 28 weeks, and he was born three weeks later. He spent months in the NICU, and I would cry myself to sleep every night. I was a shell of a human for three years, and I just now slowly feel life coming back into my body after significant trauma therapy.
Parenting these children has been nothing short of me completely losing who I was before I had them. My heart has been broken and rebuilt more times than I can count. It’s not just a sermon on sanctification or refinement — it’s my lifestyle. I would not be able to serve my family without God’s abounding grace each and every day. There is deep sorrow and deep joy. And no, not every day is perfect happiness. My children love to tell me I’m the worst mom in the world. They tell me how unfair everything is. But I know one thing for sure: Even in my weakness, God is there. He’s sitting with me while I have to restrain my son during his violent meltdowns. He’s stroking my child’s hair while I rock him in the hospital bed. He’s also sitting in the passenger seat in the car while I sob with my head against the steering wheel after a rough day.
I’m grieved that you bought into Satan’s lie that your child would have an “objectively shitty” existence. But I also know that there can be healing from this. I know that God sees you and your wife where you are right now. He’s seen the brokenness and the heartache. He’s heartbroken, just like you. Right now, I ask that you just give Him a chance. Ask Him where He is in all of this. Because I guarantee He’s not being a keyboard warrior and sending threats. He’s not marking your name as someone who will never gain entrance to Heaven. Psalm 34:18 tells us that He’s with the brokenhearted.
My deepest prayer right now is that you find your peace through Christ, that you soften your heart to hear what He has to say. Forget those who are using Him to attack. Find the Holy Spirit’s voice and let Him comfort you. For my family — and for yours — this is our only Hope.
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