"eet the Stupidity"
In MEET THE SPARTANS, the Spartan hero, Leonidas, armed with nothing by leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag group of 13 (not 300) Spartans to defend their homeland against the invading Persians, whose “warriors” include Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Transformers, and a hunchbacked Paris Hilton). Other films and television programs that are integrated are HAPPY FEET, STOMP THE YARD, DEAL OR NO DEAL, and SPIDER-MAN 3. That is as much as can be said about the plot of this movie. And even calling it a “movie” is quite a stretch. This attempt at film-making was more like watching an hour and 10 minutes of comedy sketches that happen to follow the common theme of mimicking the “300” movie.
Even the tired and aged Saturday Night Live their actors and writers could out-show the writers and actors of this movie with little effort. The movie itself actually runs only for 70 minutes. The listed 84 minutes includes a series of scenes cut into the middle of the credits that apparently were even too ridiculous for the main body of the movie and have nothing to do with the attempted plot line.
Other than “spoofing” other movies, imitating several reality TV shows, and mocking multiple modern celebrities, there is no “rhyme or reason” to this movie. It’s purely nonsensical and, sadly, not funny. Anyone would be stretched to find any true entertainment value in the entire movie.
Content issues were not as negative as first expected but there was still plenty of offensive and inappropriate material. Most of these examples are referred to in the “Content” section (see above) but more detail will be given here.
The historical evidence, although highly debatable, that the Spartan men practiced open homosexuality is very over-played by the writers. In the film, men greet each other by French kissing (actually shown once) and the men greet women with a high-five. There is another scene involving an implied orgy, with all the participants being gay and lesbian and, therefore, with same sex partners. Leonidas’ wife (Carmen Electra) is played as unfaithful and promiscuous, and the filmmakers shamelessly “cash in” on Electra’s reputation and attractiveness by having her seductively dressed or partially nude throughout the film. Thus, in addition to the sexual content listed above, the movie contains plenty of partial female nudity and some upper and rear male nudity.
Although most of the violence is depicted with the same silliness as the rest of the movie, the most disturbing parts involved violence to a child and the depiction of killing unwanted, newborn babies. The film opens with a Spartan elder throwing babies off a cliff into a “landfill” type of area until the perfect Leonidas is found. Later, when Leonidas has a son, there are several scenes of him training the boy to be a warrior. What it really comes down to is a cruel and merciless beating of the boy, with his mother applauding from the sideline. No real harm is shown happening to the child, he always gets right back up from each attack, but it’s a great example of the sick and humorless attempt at comedy by the makers of this film. Other examples of violence include beheading someone, spearing people, a broken neck, hitting an elderly woman, and pushing multiple people into a giant food grinder (but with no blood or gore).
Overall, there is no reason to waste time or money on seeing this film. The other highly offensive part of the movie is its complete lack of quality or production/entertainment value.
(PaPaPa, HoHo, AbAb, FR, LLL, VV, SS, NN, A, M) Very strong immoral pagan worldview with strong homosexual content and a king is considered, somewhat mockingly, a “god”; 33 obscenities and two light profanities, plus jokes about passing gas and excrement; strong violence, mostly absurd, includes killing, a more graphic (without blood) depiction of a decapitation, implied killing of unwanted newborn babies, hitting an elderly woman, and father mercilessly beats up a 5- or 6-year-old boy to toughen him up (the boy is not hurt but the scene is a sick attempt at humor spoofing the movie 300); depicted homosexuality when two men shown kissing once, sexual lyrics in songs, and implied adultery, promiscuity and male/female homosexuality; partial upper female nudity, rear female nudity, nude woman covered up with two slices of tomato and a slice of pizza, “mock” Spartan men are barely clothed, rear male nudity, men in leather “bondage” clothing (depicting homosexuality), woman’s genital area is blurred out (Unrated DVD will likely show this explicitly), and images of other scantily clad women; brief beer and alcohol use in two scenes, and man says father was an alcoholic; no smoking or drug use; and, treason, men trade insults and movie makes of celebrities and their personal issues (e.g., Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc.), including a stab at the death of Anna Nicole Smith.
In MEET THE SPARTANS, a comedy spoof, the Spartan hero, Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag group of 13 (not 300) Spartans to defend their homeland against the invading Persians. The Persian warriors include Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Transformers, and a hunchbacked Paris Hilton. Meanwhile, at home, the wife of Leonidas does what she can to help her husband, including using her sexual wiles.
Besides “spoofing” other movies, imitating reality TV shows, and mocking modern celebrities, there is no “rhyme or reason” to this movie. It’s purely nonsensical and not very funny. Anyone would be stretched to find any true entertainment value in the movie. The PG-13 content includes plenty of offensive, inappropriate material. Plenty of partial sexual nudity, promiscuity, homosexual behavior, foul language, and ridiculous levels of stupid comical violence are all brought to the table to earn some laughs. The movie fails miserably. The other highly offensive part of the movie is its complete lack of quality or production values. Thus, most viewers coming out of the theater will wonder why they wasted their time and money on MEET THE SPARTANS.