By Michaela Gordoni
Human connection researcher and Braving Wilderness author Brené Brown says social media harms mental health because it can’t replace connection, contrary to what some may think.
“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship,” Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection.
“I think what’s scary is we say that we’re connected online. Online tools — social media, technology — those are not connection tools. Those are communication tools,” Brown recently said on TODAY WITH JENNA & SHEINELLE.
“The example I love to give is if I lost my job and posted that on Facebook or Instagram, I might get 20 comments that say, ‘God, so sorry to hear it. Wishing you the best of luck.’ That doesn’t take very much vulnerability for me,” she said. However, if you called someone and told them the same news, you’d actually reach a level of real connection.
Social media takes all of that away. Brown knows people need connection, even if they don’t think they do.
Related: How Device Overuse, Social Media Harm Learning and Self-Esteem
For those who struggle with connection, Brown says they can try to practice good listening and curiosity.
She admits small talk can be hard, but you can ask questions geared toward connection like, “Where are you from? Did you grow up there? What do you love about it? Do you still go back? Do you miss it?”
Another good piece of advice is “listen with the same passion with which you want to be heard,” Brown said, quoting Harriet Lerner.
Cutting out screentime can also help encourage natural connection.
Journalist Nicholas Carr, author of Superbloom: How Technologies of Connection Tear Us Apart, dives into how social media harms connection. He argues that efficient communication doesn’t help connection but hurts it.
“In fact, what we’ve seen is that when people have to handle extreme levels of messaging, going back and forth with lots more people simultaneously, it overwhelms their ability to be thoughtful, build empathy, or understand one another,” Carr said. “Instead of building understanding and greater trust, it ends up creating misunderstanding and mistrust. And it triggers psychological reactions that are actually antisocial rather than prosocial.”
Connection always comes up in Brown’s books, but it takes the foreground in Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. The book explores 87 emotions and provides a framework for valuable connection. This might be a good resource for those who want to unplug from online life and establish meaningful relationships.
Read Next: Just How Harmful is Social Media to Childhood?
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