By Michaela Gordoni
BACHELORETTE star and believer Ben Higgins shared why everyone needs connection.
“I’ve consistently felt like the kid looking through the window at the party I wasn’t invited to,” he said. “I always felt different. Weird.”
Even when he went on THE BACHELORETTE in 2016, he felt “inadequate” in a room full of other handsome and impressive men.
After weeks on the show, a producer pulled Higgins to the side and told him he didn’t like that he was being withdrawn. He wasn’t letting anyone get to know him.
“That hit me hard,” Higgins said. “I think one of the big reasons I stay silent is because I have this internal fear that the more people get to know me, the less they will like me. In a lot of ways, I feel unlovable.”
When everyone saw him say that on the show, thousands related to him.
Related: BACHELOR Star Ben Higgins Says Faith Gave Him Purpose, Power to Overcome Addiction
“The response was insane,” he recalled. “Thousands of people reaching out saying, I feel this way also.”
He realized that vulnerability is critical for connection to others.
“Our pains or our insecurities might connect us more than our joys and successes,” the Alone in Plain Sight author said.
In his book, he digs deep into his history, including his addiction to painkillers.
“As I shared more and more about my life and my insecurities, it actually became the thing that connected me with others,” he wrote. “… And so that gave me a new seeded kind of confidence in being vulnerable and then I knew there was one other thing that was really sitting there on my heart that I’d never shared — like you said, with family, with friends — was my struggle with addiction.”
Higgins recalled enjoying his celebrity status. A friend interrupted him bragging about his status, telling him, “When you became the Bachelor, my prayer was that this would never become about you.”
“It shook me,” Higgins said. “But it also felt very freeing.”
Higgins shares his strength and love for others through his work, developing iHeart’s faith division and as a coffee brand owner. He’s someone who helps faith and culture meet in the middle.
He likes industries that involve “Food, water, shelter, experiences, things that bring people together,” he explained.
The entrepreneur never forgets his past. He actively chooses to be vulnerable when he presents himself to others.
“The thing that made me feel like an outsider might be the thing that connects me to people,” he said.
Higgins book shows readers “How to understand ourselves more deeply so that we are free to connect with others. How shared pain can bridge even the widest gaps between two very different people. How marriage and fatherhood have shaped his understanding of vulnerability and connection.”
The book, which released this year, is available wherever books are sold.
Read Next: Former BACHELOR Star Ben Higgins Shares How Faith Helps Guide His Relationship
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