By Kayla DeKraker
Comedian John Crist experienced the shame that comes with addiction but now uses his testimony to help others.
“When I went to rehab in 2019, they would come in there and…these people obviously know everything about you and every secret you ever have. You tell them your whole story, and they go, ‘We’re proud of you for coming in here.’ And you’re like, ‘What?’ Like, you know what I’m saying?” Crist told his friends Olympian Shawn Johnson and her husband Andrew East on their podcast.
Unfortunately, Crist’s experience with religion taught him to feel ashamed of himself if he struggled with anything.
“That’s the opposite of what the religion I grew up in. They were like, ‘You’re bad, you’re excluded, you’re made a poor choice,'” he said, adding “Especially a lot of religious [people], there’s a lot of shame.”
When you have that much shame in your heart and mind, you struggle to believe people when they say something positive about you.
“I was so uncomfortable with them saying that they were proud of me, that I was a good person, that I would get on Twitter and go find bad stuff about me,” Crist admitted. “That is how I felt, that’s what y’all probably saw the tail end of.”
He added of his early friendship with the Easts, “You guys are like, ‘You’re a good guy. Dude, we love hanging with you.'” I was like, ‘There’s no way.’”
Crist explained that because he felt so negatively about himself, he wasn’t capable of thinking that others could like him as a person.
“I didn’t feel that about myself. So, how are you ever going to be believe someone else if they say that about you? There’s like there’s no possible way,” he explained.
He added, “By default [you] put yourself down. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just safer.”
Shawn asked Crist, “Are comedians filled with pain?”
“1000%,” he responded. “I don’t even know if it’s masked, but yes.”
“It’s actually a personal experience and it’s actually like a really dark thing that you went through,” Shawn said of Crist’s addiction and rehab experience, “but you’re making it so light, and people are so funny. Does it help you heal through things that you are going through? Or is it just a way to like [cope]?”
“I’ll make a joke; a thousand people are like dying laughing… it is very therapeutic. And I still love to tell jokes that have meaning like that to me,” he responded.
Related: John Crist Celebrates ‘Miracle’ 5 Years of Sobriety
In an Instagram clip of the discussion, people celebrated Crist’s vulnerability. “Loved this one! It was cool to see this side of him!” one person said.
“One of the very bests 👏” another fan said.
In 2020, Crist expressed his gratitude for people’s support along his healing journey.
“[I’m] incredibly humbled to receive that support. Certainly undeserved, based on decisions I’ve made in my personal life, but incredibly humbling to receive,” he said.
Paul reminds us in Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
Thankfully, the grace Crist received “kind of flipped my whole faith,” he told Sadie Robertson Huff previously, and he learned to love himself again because people continued to love him.
Nobody is perfect, and we all have our own struggles, but if we are in Christ, we can live without shame for our past.
Read Next: John Crist Explains How Comedy Lets People Say ‘The Quiet Part Out Loud’
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