"Cyrano Sacked"
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What You Need To Know:
Almost everything about this movie is sub-par. The no-name talent plays the narrow and tired teenage stereotypes badly. The movie also presents PC sex-ed mantras, with plot lines of teenage fornication. Meanwhile, solid literary devices from the original story are ignored. Primarily sophomoric, often juvenile, occasionally tasteless, and containing several obscenities, nudity and teenage sex, this movie is bearable only by the good heart of the leading character, Ryan. Family and moral audiences will want to avoid this bungled boggle, whatever it takes.
Content:
(PaPa, B, PC, LLL, V, SSS, NNN, A, D, M) Mainly pagan worldview with some moral elements of rebuking vanity & politically correct sex-ed element; 23 obscenities, 5 profanities, several vulgarities, some sexual euphemisms, & various, mainly mild insults like “jerk” & “dork”; mild violence including boys hit with baseball, man hit in groin with baseball, teenage boy throws firecrackers onto teenage girls, people knocked into a pool, boy breaks window, some rough football tackling scenes, & man kicked in private parts; extensive sexual innuendo, primarily by one character, girl strips to underwear for man, oral sex simulated, school nurse tells teenagers to abstain but also explains safe sex to teenagers, attempted teenage fornication, teenage boys try to download pornography off the internet, & teenage girl ties teenage man up in bed; women in underwear, man in underwear, pictures of women in bikini, image of a large fake male organ (used for sex-ed class), rear male nudity & some revealing clothing; teenage alcohol use; smoking; and, lying, pranks, teenage girl vomits on teenage boy, & teenage boy spills bed pan.
More Detail:
While 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU brought Shakespeare to modern high schools, WHATEVER IT TAKES translates the Cyrano De Bergerac story into a contemporary teen comedy. Primarily sophomoric, often infantile, occasionally tasteless, and not taking advantage of some of the better elements of its foundational literary piece, it is bearable only by the good heart of the leading boy, Ryan.
Knowing each other for years, nerdy accordionist Ryan (Shane West) lives next to his good buddy, Maggie (Marla Sokoloff). Facing the difficult challenges of love in high school, they decide to go to the prom together, despite the lack of romantic feelings between them.
Newcomers to the school, starlet Ashley (Jodi Lyn O’Keefe) and her jock cousin Chris (James Franco), quickly become hot commodities. Everybody wants to date them. Ryan particularly wants to date Ashley. Meanwhile, Chris develops feelings for Maggie, and makes a proposal to Ryan: Chris will help set Ryan up with Ashley if Ryan will try to warm Maggie up to Chris. Ryan agrees, and soon is lurking behind stages and bushes feeding lines to the airhead Chris to tell Maggie. Yet, as Ryan tells Chris the words to say, he discovers that he himself has feelings for Maggie. This becomes a major problem for Ryan, because Ashley actually falls for him and even has promised him sexual favors. Eventually, true confessions emerge, the vain Ashley is rebuked, Chris is humiliated for his wolfish ways, and the right people hook up together.
Almost everything about this movie is sub-par, but don’t bet against it to fail. (The recently panned DOWN TO YOU had no early screening and received the number one slot its opening weekend.) The no-name talent plays very narrow tired stereotypes and some even badly. Ryan, noticeably, doesn’t know how to play the accordion. Sex jokes abound, and the movie even gives the PC sex-ed mantra, “abstain if you can, but if you can’t use a…you know.” In really bad taste, a large male organ also makes an appearance at a sex-ed class. Like the recent AMERICAN PIE, at least two of the actors here have a goal of “bedding” their dates. Finally, when the time comes for Ryan to give the string of Cyrano-like insults, he stops short with only a handful of zingers. (Remember when Steve Martin went on and on in a hilarious scene in the similar ROXANNE?)
The only winsome part of the movie is Ryan’s good heart. He does lust after Ashley initially but eventually realizes how shallow she is and ultimately rejects her for the more grounded Maggie. Likewise, Maggie sees Chris for his shallowness.
As long as movies like AMERICAN PIE, SHE’S ALL THAT and DOWN TO YOU recoup their production costs, dumb teen sex comedies shall remain. While it is good that classic literary pieces are gaining new life in new genres, the tainting and simplification of their intricacies is regrettable. Cyrano’s bane was his long nose, and his lost love was resolved through clever discourse. Ryan’s bane is his short wits and large libido, resolved with a not-so-clever discotheque – the high-school prom. Family and moral audiences will want to avoid this bungled boggle; whatever it takes.
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