I THINK I DO

I THINK I DO is a highly offensive movie, one any sane person would avoid were they not committed to review it. Sex and morality is treated as nothing more serious than a jog in the park ( it doesn’t much matter when or with whom. As Bob, played adequately by Alexis Arquette, quips, “sometimes you want a brand new car (read: partner).”

Bob is in love with his roommate Brendan at the opening of the movie. Together they act much more like 7-year-old boys than 17-year-old men. They push each other around in shopping carts and pull wedgies on each other before they pile into their bunk beds for the night. One night, Bob makes his romantic intentions clear to Brendan, who reacts by punching him. The story jumps several years to a college reunion of sorts, where a couple of college friends have a wedding. Bob is a successful soap opera writer who brings his male soap “hunk” boyfriend, Sterling, along. The spine of the story revolves around Sterling’s desire to “marry” Bob while Bob wavers. Complications arise when Brendan, who is a highly sought-after bachelor, seems to finally “realize” his true homosexual “nature.” You can guess the rest, and it is not what you want you or your family to see.

There are several sexual scenes in this movie with men in bed as well as heterosexual encounters, a scene with male strippers at a homosexual club and scenes of men flirting with each other at train stations and weddings. There is also a scene of a couple about to engage in sex who are meditating to get into a “tantra” mode, shades of eastern religion in an attempt to add zip to these lost characters’ hedonistic sexual dalliances.

If the subject matter weren’t disturbing enough, the quality of the filmmaking adds insult to injury. Some of the camera work is shaky. The editing is choppy. The acting is on par with a high school play, and much of the dialogue is forced, which could have a lot to do with the weak screenplay. The writer paints a world in which homosexuals and straights sleep around looking for love and in which homosexuality is a fact of life. As one character put it, “oooh, gay weddings are so cool!” In this politically correct world, no one questions their way of life, yet everyone’s unhappy. Thus, the whole point of this poorly executed film seems to be to push the homosexual lifestyle, a lifestyle that will lead to an early death for many and an eternity of damnation for all who refuse to leave it (Revelations 21:8).