"Putrid, Scatological Sci Fi"
What You Need To Know:
Despite some very funny moments, LAND OF THE LOST is a rambling exercise in offensive, sexual, scatological, stoner jokes. Everything from pot to hard narcotics is extolled. Sex is a constant refrain for the jokes, including homosexuality. Finally, this abhorrent movie contains 88 obscenities and a blasphemous joke mocking Jesus. MOVIEGUIDE®’s recommendation is to avoid LAND OF THE LOST and see Pixar/Disney’s UP or the original TV series instead.
(HHH, AbAb, HoHo, LLL, VVV, SS, NN, DDD, MM) Very strong materialistic, humanist worldview where all that matters is bodily pleasures with some overt blasphemous content mocking Jesus, and strong homosexual references played for vulgar laughs; 88 obscenities and eight profanities, plus man drinks urine, man pours urine over himself and man has animal feces all over himself; constant slapstick violence with a couple very bloody and very strong scenes, including being hit by amusement park dummies, being bitten by dinosaurs, being swallowed by dinosaur, being attacked by small dinosaurs and pterodactyls, ice cream man’s arm is ripped off his body, zombie like spacemen attack, spacemen feel up girl while attacking her, human sacrifice twice played for a joke, blood sucker sucks blood and sprays blood all over, etc.; frequent sexual references, space creature keeps grabbing woman’s breast, men express homosexual love for one another and lie in a homosexual position, man talks about standing under dinosaur’s private parts, implied sex between two lizard men, man stays in land of the lost and meets several women who are naked with long hair covering their breasts and women start fondling him, children talk about crude sex, and reference to sodomy; a flash of upper female nudity, outline of male anatomy in underwear shown, upper male nudity, and naked women with long hair covering their bodies; marijuana use in school, children in school talk about marijuana use and heavy duty drug use using a narcotic liquid; and, lying, cheating, arrogance, pomposity, and deception.
Watch out! LAND OF THE LOST is not your children’s TV show. It is a tsunami of vile, putrid stoner jokes and sex. The story is surrealistically fanciful and almost irrelevant.
The movie opens with Matt Lauer interviewing Will Ferrell’s character, Professor Rick Marshall. Matt accusing the professor of being a total nincompoop because he believes that he can create a device to travel between dimensions. The professor physically attacks Matt and loses his job.
Cut to Professor Marshall teaching at an elementary school, where the young children are discussing body parts and making fun of his theories. A buxom woman named Holly shows up. She challenges the professor to build his time and space machine.
Sometime later, she finds him in a coma from having eaten too much food but having completed his time machine. They drive to a place where the conditions are perfect for using the machine, which is a Death Valley gas station with a tacky cave ride. As the foul-mouthed Will takes them on the cave ride, the professor accidentally hits the time machine, and they get transported to the Land of the Lost.
There, they meet Chaka, a furry alien who keeps feeling up Holly’s breasts and even the professor’s private area. Chaka pretends to be a dumb caveman but at one point he starts singing show tunes from CHORUS LINE. A giant Tyrannosaurus Rex dinosaur constantly pursues them.
They find out the professor’s machine is causing a lot of artifacts to come from our dimension to theirs, including an ice cream truck. The dinosaur devours the ice cream man, pulling off his arm.
Next, they find an area with crystals being guarded by alien lizard zombies in the service of a mean alien who wants to conquer the universe. Marshall covers himself in urine and drinks urine to keep the dinosaur away. The dinosaur is very intelligent, however, and eats Marshall, who comes out covered with dinosaur feces. Marshall and his friends drink from a narcotic plant and get so stoned that they fantasize about homosexual sex.
LAND OF THE LOST is a rambling exercise in offensive, sexual, scatological, stoner jokes. Everything from pot to hard narcotics is extolled. Sex is a constant refrain for the jokes, with the touching of body parts and a graphic description of dinosaur body parts. Some of the violence is very bloody. It includes a scene with Prof. Marshall having a mosquito sucking his blood and splattering it all over the place. Also, arms are cut off and people are attacked. Even human sacrifice is included. It is as if the producers and Will Ferrell wanted to put everything offensive they could imagine, including a blasphemous joke about Jesus.
The sad part is that the screening was full of children because the filmmakers have tried to hoodwink the public into believing this is a family-friendly remake of a beloved children’s series instead of a vulgar offensive movie that should be rated R, or, better yet, should never have been made like this. What’s sadder is that the movie is funny, so some people will rationalize all the movie’s foul language, which is considerable, and all its gross, perverted, immoral, blasphemous behavior. Happily, the movie is only 93 minutes.
MOVIEGUIDE®’s recommendation is to avoid this movie and go see Pixar/Disney’s UP or the original TV series.