By Mallory Mattingly
Most parents recognize the importance of protecting their kids online with parental controls, but what kind of digital boundaries should be in place for older teens?
A concerned mom recently wrote to Bark Technology’s blog, explaining her dilemma.
“My daughter just turned 17, and she’s been insisting that she doesn’t need any more parental controls on her phone. She feels ready for total freedom, but as her mom, I still worry about too much screen time affecting her sleep and focus. We’ve had downtime set to 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., and she’s growing more frustrated by the limits each day,” the mom said.
“It’s hard to know when to let go and trust that she can set her own boundaries,” the parent continued. “How do you find the balance between giving your kid who’s almost an adult independence while still protecting their well-being?”
Bark’s Titania Jordan affirmed that “There’s something about 17 that feels simultaneously so close and yet so far from adulthood. As a parent, you start feeling a tug-of-war between still wanting to protect them and also preparing them for life on their own. It’s harder than anyone ever warns you about.”
For parents who find themselves in a similar situation, she advises five “themes” to help set screen time boundaries for older teens.
- Shift from control to coaching: Instead of trying to control everything your child does on their phone, try teaching them what it means to have more freedom and the responsibility that comes along with freedom. You can do this by “extending their screen time limits slowly.” Also, have conversations about “screen time and its effects on their life, and discuss how you put in place safeguards to keep yourself healthier, knowing that screen time is so addictive,” Jordan says.
- Let consequences play a role: When it comes to giving your teen more freedom, it is important to know that when they break a rule, there will be consequences. Learning to deal with the consequences of their own actions “are the kinds of life lessons that stick, and they’re often more powerful than a strict rule.”
- Revisit your “Whys”: Whatever your original goal was in setting digital boundaries with your teen, continue to revisit those reasons. Think “about what’s changed and what hasn’t,” Jordan encourages.
- Hold your ground when needed: Ultimately, your teenager is still living under your roof; therefore, you have the authority to set ground rules. If your teen wants more freedom, then they have to be able to hold up their end of the deal. That could be with chores around the house, maintaining good grades or even getting a job.
- Connect with other parents going through the same thing: Surround yourself with like-minded people who are trying to attain the same goal as you. Jordan recommends the “Parenting in a Tech World” Facebook group so that you don’t feel alone.
“Technology has advanced our lives in so many wonderful ways,” said Anya Griffin, PhD, in an article for Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. “Establishing healthy screen habits is about creating balance while respecting that technology is always going to be part of our lives.”
Bark Technologies offers numerous tips to help you teach your kids good device-related habits.
For example, create a “tech basket” for when your kids’ friends come over. When everyone puts their phones in the basket, parents can still reach them, but phones aren’t going to be a distraction from building “lasting friendships.”
“When their friends come over, hit pause on the screens and give them the opportunity for real connection,” Bark said on Instagram. “No distractions, just space to be silly, curious, and real. Because what they really need isn’t another video — it’s each other.”
Related: Media Literacy and Discernment: How Do We Protect Children in the Digital Age?
Providing your child with healthy boundaries around screen time when their still under your roof will encourage them to carry those habits into their adult life.
Read Next: Another Study Proves Just How Damaging Screen Time Is On Mental Health
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