By Michaela Gordoni
Ashley Tankard always dreamed of being on AMERICAN IDOL, but she was held back by fear until God supernaturally took it away from her.
Nearly her whole life, she struggled with crippling anxiety that left her unable to speak out at school and limited her professional life. Part of her journey to conquer fear was a call to write a book: Fear Didn’t Win.
“I first heard the Lord speak to me about this book when I was 18 years old, and…I did not have…an intimate and close relationship with Him back then, but…I actually knew His voice,” she told Faithwire. “So I knew that was Him telling me to write this book or start this book, and I never really knew the end result of what the book would be.”
She never let her fear hold her back from going after her dreams and auditioned for AMERICAN IDOL 15 times since she was 15.
“For seven years, I auditioned for the producers multiple times with this fear and this thought of … ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna even get in front of the judges if I make it,’” Tankard said. “I was still auditioning because it was just a dream that was in my heart for a very long time. So I auditioned for seven years straight, multiple times every single season.”
Her fifteenth try was the hardest.
Related: AMERICAN IDOL Alum Explains How God’s Word Combats Fear
“It was actually one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” she explained. “I kind of just went through the entire audition process, like in a full-blown panic attack.”
Despite that, she finally made it through and accomplished her goal.
“To be able to actually get through the audition and make it to Hollywood was…one of my biggest accomplishments,” she said.
Then in 2025, she was still struggling to write her book.
“In November of 2025, I was kind of in a place in my life where I wanted to, quote, unquote ‘Get my life together,’ but not in a way of, I was like doing bad in life, but just in a way of walking in my calling and walking in my purpose,” Tankard said. “So I called up a friend and basically was trying to get advice on certain areas of my life.”
She confided that fear was still holding her back.
“I actually ended up sharing with him that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 17 years old,” she said. “And what he told me was that fear and anxiety is actually a spirit that comes from the enemy, and after I had that conversation with him, it kind of struck something in me.”
That same night, her church held an altar call for those who struggled with anxiety. Tankard went up and received prayer. Later, out loud, she told the devil that his power over her was finished.
She went to sleep and woke up a free woman.
“It is just a very overwhelming feeling…walking in freedom…and it’s still very new,” she said. “Six months ago, I definitely would not have been able to freely talk about any of this, like over like an interview, just because I would’ve been afraid of…being honest and I would’ve been afraid…to say the wrong thing.”
Tankard continued, “But…now I’m…an open book because I know that God delivered me and I know it’s gonna help someone else.”
On Tankard’s birthday in November, she shared about her new God given confidence.
“Year 26! 🎉 a new season,” she wrote. “Putting fear behind me and stepping into all God has waiting for me. He has made the path clear, and my only job is to walk it with obedience and the confidence & boldness He has so graciously given me. If this is what the beginning looks like, I can’t imagine the glory He’s getting ready to reveal.”
Tankard’s book came out on Dec 4, 2025. On release day, she wrote, “today, I’m celebrating more than a book. i’m celebrating a victory. a testimony. A MIRACLE. may these pages remind you that courage is possible, identity is found in Jesus, and peace is real…even when fear is loud.”
It’s available on Amazon for $12.99.
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