“Disappointingly Crude and Profane”
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What You Need To Know:
ANACONDA has many funny, exciting moments, but the comedy’s a bit sporadic in the movie’s first half. So, the movie’s a bit disappointing. The ending is good fun, though. Sadly, however, the laughs and excitement in ANACONDA are spoiled by lots of strong foul language, which includes 14 totally gratuitous strong profanities, plus more than 40 obscenities. Also, Doug and Griff’s friend, Kenny, has a drug problem they’re trying to cure. That said, ANACONDA tells a tale about four friends working together to overcome natural and human evil. MOVIEGUIDE® advises extreme caution.
Content:
Light moral worldview of four friends working together to overcome natural and human evil, mitigated by some Romantic notions of following personal dreams,, and the four friends are thus lawless in their use of foul language, plus one friend lies to his three friends, but redemptive forgiveness heals the division created by this immorality;
At least 41 obscenities (including two “f” words), nine strong profanities using the name Jesus or Jesus Christ, five GD profanities, 23 light exclamatory profanities, and teenagers have made a movie being shown on video tape where some “f” words are bleeped out;
Strong scary snake and action comedy violence when the comical protagonists are chased by a giant anaconda snake and by some illegal gold smugglers, scary snake swallows, chases or attacks people in several scenes, actor is afraid of the pet anaconda being used to make a scary snake movie, actor throws the scary pet snake off the boat, and it gets immediately bitten and torn to pieces by something bigger in the water, people see the bloody bodies of two snake victims (both turn out to be alive, which becomes a joke), man accidentally shot in leg and then is shot dead by a villain, man’s friends who think he’s dead put a wild boar’s body on his head to distract a giant snake, but both turn out to be alive, and the man runs frantically away from the slithering snake as the snake finally snatches the bar from the man’s head, a gunfight occurs, some explosions occur, a giant snake has wrecked the boat of another movie crew in the Amazon jungle, woman in jungle runs from men, and she hops on a motorcycle while they hop on a speedboat during the chase;
No sex, but two childhood friends become romantically interested in one anther;
No nudity;
Brief alcohol use;
Man gets high off some pills, and it’s used for some laughs, though his friends are trying to cure him of his problem; and,
Illegal gold smuggling and some deceit occurs regarding this subplot, plus a man lies to his three friends, but they eventually reconcile.
More Detail:
The movie opens hilariously with Jack Black as Doug McCallister telling an engaged couple the crazy opening he envisions for their big wedding video, a large snake coming out of the sewers. Doug is a frustrated filmmaker stuck in working at his father’s wedding video company. He’s always trying to sell the customers on turning their videos into a classic movie, preferably a horror movie. However, the customers aren’t buying.
Meanwhile, on the West Coast, Doug’s childhood friend, Griff, is an out-of-work actor who’s been on a downward spiral after being fired from CBS-TV’s rebooted SWAT series. He has a chance to star in a big commercial, but the director doesn’t like the English accent he tries in the first take, the fast way he tries his lines in the second take and then fires him after the third tale when Griff slows down too much.
These opening scenes are pretty hilarious, but he comedy suddenly and inexplicably stops for a while when Gruff shows up at Doug’s surprise birthday party back East. The two reminisce about their childhood when they dreamed of going to Hollywood to be a top director and a top actor. Griff followed his dream, but Doug stayed behind. They pull out a video they made as kids, a horror movie about Bigfoot.
Griff tries to convince Doug to come with him and their friends, Kenny and Claire, to the Amazon River in Brazil, to do an ANACONDA remake. Griff says he met the widow of the man who wrote the original story, and she signed over the rights to the ANACONDA movie to him. Doug is reluctant, but his wife, Malie, convinces Doug to do it.
Doug figures the movie would cost about $2.5 million to make. However, when the bank only offers to give them about $6000, Doug figures they can make it for about $43,000.
So, out to Brazil they all go.
They’ve hired a crazy guy named Santiago in Brazil who has a pet anaconda. However, a woman being chased by some dangerous gold prospectors steals the boat keys from their boat guide, who’s drunk and passed out at a bar. When Doug and his friends appear at the boat, she calls herself Ana and pretends to be their boat guide, and the group heads out to make the snake movie.
Eventually, they run into a real giant anaconda. The snake starts stalking them, but so do the illegal gold prospectors chasing Ana. A big collision of epic proportions is about to happen!
ANACONDA has many funny and exciting moments, but the comedy is a bit sporadic in the movie’s first half. The ending is good fun, however, and you can’t go too far wrong when you have a talented, quirky actor like Jack Black leading the crew.
That said, ANACONDA’s greatly hurt by lots of strong foul language, which includes 14 totally gratuitous strong profanities, plus more than 40 obscenities. Also, Doug and Griff’s friend, Kenny, has a drug problem they’re trying to cure. In between all the foul language, ANACONDA tells a tale of friends working together to overcome natural and human evil. However, the foul language, especially all those strong profanities, warrants extreme caution. The violence in ANACONDA is not particularly gory, but it’s scary and sometimes a little bit bloody.

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