
By India McCarty
Having an easygoing teen might be every parent’s dream, but experts are warning that this “fawning” behavior might lead to something darker.
“[Fawning] means trying too hard to please others, avoiding conflict, and hiding your own needs or feelings,” Hamilton Gaiani, MD, a double board-certified psychiatrist with Firepit Health, told Parents. “These behaviors can look like good manners or maturity, but they often come from fear or emotional pain.”
Examples of fawning include frequent apologizing, excessive people-pleasing, having difficulty expressing needs or opinions, bottling up emotions and struggling to set boundaries with others.
Related: How to Keep Communication Open with Your Teen: A Loving and Prayerful Approach
Psychology Today defined fawning as a “trauma response,” adding, “We surrender our boundaries and lack assertiveness when we are fawning. We over accommodate, appease and submit to the very person or people who have harmed us. While fawning is meant to neutralize danger, it also causes us to abandon our own needs, thereby reinforcing our wounds.”
Gaiani explained that, while it might seem like your teen is simply more easygoing, this kind of behavior can be a sign that your child is experiencing emotional stress or even feel unsafe. This behavior can also lead to larger issues later on.
“If these habits continue without support, they can lead to mental health problems later in life,” Gaiani explained. “Some people may even turn to unhealthy ways of coping, like using drugs or alcohol. That’s why it’s important to notice these signs early and offer help before the patterns become harder to change.”
So, what should parents do if they notice their children exhibiting this kind of behavior?
“Validate their feelings,” Parents shared, explaining the importance of letting your teen “know their emotions, needs, and opinions matter, even if they differ from yours.”
The outlet also recommended modeling healthy boundaries and encouraging independence in your child, as well as seeking support from a professional if the situation grows out of control.
Therapist Meg Josephson spoke to Business Insider about fawning, telling the outlet it’s important for young people who recognize this behavior in themselves to realize they can change.
“It’s not an identity, but rather it’s a self-protective pattern,” she explained. “It’s this younger part of you that has learned to be on high alert to manage people’s moods as a way to protect you, but that doesn’t mean you always need protecting now.”
It can be easy to let your teen continue these seemingly laidback behavioral patterns, but experts are clear that in the long run, it’s best to let your child know it’s alright to let their emotions out — even if it can get a little messy.
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