By Kayla DeKraker
Actress Bethany Joy Lenz knows all about gaslighting, and she took to Instagram to share what the solution is — God.
“I get a lot of questions from people who aren’t sure where the line is between disagreement and gaslighting or arguing and abuse,” she began in the post. “While I’d first point you to listen to the research and experience of people like @doctorramani @richard.grannon and my friends at @alittlebitculty, I do have an illustration for you.”
Lenz created a video that depicts a man gaslighting a woman in a relationship.
“This video is one short example of the type of dialogue you may find yourself in with someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive. Typically, people who create a vortex like this do it to deflect the self-loathing that pours in on them anytime they’re challenged or perceive they may have done something wrong,” she explained. “Their ego and identity are so incredibly fragile, they fear nothing so much as the possibility that ‘because they made a mistake, they ARE a mistake.’”
The actress then explained reasons why someone may act that way.
“Their entire identity is constructed around two things: they are either the hero or the victim. They don’t know how to simply exist along with the rest of us in all the ups and downs. Admitting they’re ordinary like everyone else is death for them and they will eviscerate anyone who exposes them.”
She added, “It’s incredibly sad, but also incredibly dangerous for anyone who is an empath or a big dreamer. Once you recognize the signs that you’re involved with someone who wrestles with these core identity issues, proceed with extreme caution and many boundaries.”
Lenz emphasized the truth that we do not have the power to change people. The only one who can truly do that is God.
“No matter how much loving, kind and good behavior you’ve seen from them in happier times, you will never be able to change who they are at their core. They will always return to draining you — and you cannot give someone their identity.”
She clarified, “A personality like this has a hole in the bottom of their bucket and God is the only person who can fill it.”
Sadly, people in the comment section could relate to this experience.
Related: Bethany Joy Lenz’s Memoir to Recount Escape from Cult: ‘Story of Forgiveness’
“The level of anxiety i have watching this bc it is SO REAL! 👏” one follower said. Another person added, “Absolutely exhausting I remember these days!!! You nailed it!”
Lenz knows all too well what abuse looks like. Last year, she released her book Dinner for Vampires, which details her experience in a cult and an abusive marriage.
Known for her role in the hit show ONE TREE HILL, Lenz ended up joining a cult, marrying the cult leader’s son and having a child with him. Only after she escaped was she able to heal from her abusive past that was filled with gaslighting.
“The more that I did the process of therapy, and spent time healing and started talking about it with friends and people in my life, the more I realized that it’s a story that actually could really help a lot of people, and especially demystify this whole concept of cult and how easy it is to get sucked into narcissistic abuse in any format,” she previously told New York Live of her experience.
Leaving the cult also helped her find a real relationship with God.
Lenz hopes to use her story can help others who have experienced abuse and trauma heal and become whole.
Read Next: Actress Bethany Joy Lenz Reveals How Childhood Faith Impacted Her Life
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