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"Don’t Sit in the Seat of Mockers"

What You Need To Know:

MACHETE is one of the worst movies ever – an ultra violent, bloody mess with extremely lewd content and a racist, Anti-American worldview. In the story, Machete, a former Mexican Federale, is hired by a corrupt businessman in Texas to kill a corrupt senator. Both men work with a group of white vigilantes opposed to illegal immigration, but the businessman is secretly in cahoots with Machete’s nemesis, a drug lord named Torrez. Machete realizes too late he’s been set up. Co-operating with a Latino revolutionary and a beautiful immigration officer, Machete uncovers a web of corruption. The corruption leads to Torrez, who is manipulating everyone to control the flow of illegal immigrants and make more money.

MACHETE is full of gruesome, despicable, extremely bloody violence, graphic nudity, extreme sex, racism, and Anti-American content. Also, the Communist revolutionaries are the heroes. Except for Danny Trejo, who plays Machete, the movie is poorly acted and directed. The director says he wanted to make a Hispanic superhero, but the backlash against this movie should be intense, and a superhero should not be the first one to kill and decapitate. MACHETE is a hateful, racist, offensive diatribe.


(HHH, CoCoCo, PCPCPC, AbAbAb, APAPAP, AcapAcapAcap, FeFeFe, LLL, VVV, SSS, NNN, AA, DDD, MMM) Evil, rotten, disgusting, humanist, nihilistic, Communist, politically correct, pro-revolution, pro-illegal immigration worldview with extreme Anti-Christian blasphemy and sacrilege (including a corrupt priest), racist elements, anti-white elements, anti-American, and anti-capitalist content, radical feminist elements, overt discussion of incest, and other anti-family content; 68 obscenities and 17 profanities; ultra-graphic, gory, very bloody, snuff extreme, constant violence such as gruesome decapitations, limbs severed, eye shot out, numerous gun battles, woman dresses as nun and mows down people with machine gun, man disemboweled and intestines used to rappel off building, priest nailed to a cross, torture, electrocution, etc.; extreme sex includes group sex, exhibitionism, and overt discussion of incest; extreme nudity includes full frontal female nudity; alcohol use and drunkenness; smoking cigarettes, marijuana use and selling drugs; and, very strong miscellaneous immorality includes lying, cheating, kickbacks, blackmail, betrayal, manipulation, corruption, greed, envy, reverse racism rationalized, and revenge.

More Detail:

If it had not been preceded by ANTICHRIST, MACHETE probably would be the worst movie ever made. Not only is it full of gruesome, despicable, extremely bloody violence, graphic nudity, extreme sex, racism, and Anti-American content, it is also very poorly acted and directed. It appears this movie was done as an intentional mocking, ultra-violent joke, but, as one actor at the screening pointed out, when actors are all told to mock something, their acting goes downhill. In fact, this should be a total embarrassment for Robert de Niro and everyone else in the movie.

MACHETE starts out with Machete, a Mexican Federale, trying to rescue a young woman who has been kidnapped by an evil drug lord named Torrez. Machete fights his way into the hideout, decapitating people and cutting off their arms and legs and anything else he can slice and dice. Eventually, he finds her completely nude. She tries to seduce him and stabs him with his own machete. While he is lying there, she takes a cell phone from her private part and calls Torrez. Torrez comes in with Machete’s wife and decapitates her. Torrez decides to burn the building to kill Machete.

Somehow, three years later, Machete is a migrant worker in Austin, Texas. There is a war going on between white border vigilantes and the Marxist, illegal Mexican network. The border vigilantes are led by Don Johnson, encouraged by a corrupt senator played by Robert DeNiro and financed by an incestuous businessman played by Jeff Fahey. The Communist Mexicans are led by a woman with the codename She, who uses the name Luz when she runs the migrant taco truck.

Booth, the corrupt pedophile businessman who lusts after his own daughter (played by Lindsay Lohan), pays Machete $150,000 to kill the senator. Machete gives the money to the revolution. When he tries to shoot the senator, Machete finds out he was set up. Now, he is being chased, not only by Booth and his gang and Torrez but also by the corrupt police force and the border vigilantes.

A U.S. immigration officer named Sartana discovers Machete’s story is true and befriends him. Machete joins Booth’s naked wife and daughter in a Jacuzzi so he can get into Booth’s house and steal his files. Looking at the files, Machete and Sartana discover Booth works with the senator, and everyone, including the Minuteman leader, is being paid by Torrez. Torrez wants to control the border so he can be the only one smuggling human beings across the border and make even more money.

Machete’s brother, Padre, who used to be his gun-toting partner, is now a priest. Padre tapes the confessions, which reveal Booth’s incestuous desires for his daughter. Padre also runs guns, dope and anything else he can out of his “church,” which is a perfect cover. Armed with CDs and tapes, Machete and Sartana turn it over to the TV network, because they can’t trust the corrupt police or federal agents.

Booth and his gang nail Padre to the cross and everyone mocks Jesus. Eventually, the revolution breaks out with the network of Mexican illegal immigrants fighting Booth, the senator, the Minutemen, and their henchmen.

One would like to think that Robert Rodriguez, who has done such good family movies as the SPY KIDS series, was doing this as a big joke to mock everyone, including Jesus Christ. But, the Bible says in Psalm 1:1, Don’t “sit in the seat of mockers.” Also, if Rodriguez really intended to mock everyone, he failed, because the Communist revolutionaries come off as the only good guys. Rodriguez says he wanted to make a Hispanic superhero, but the backlash against this movie should be intense, and a superhero should not be the first one to kill and steal.

The movie verbally makes the point that there is no law and order. America is a corrupt, miserable, horrible place. If so, why do all these Mexicans want to come here? In effect, this movie is just a racist diatribe that’s hateful for no good reason.

That said, there are a couple mentions of people going to Hell, which could include everybody who made this movie. That would be unfortunate, because we have some friends in the movie, including the star Danny Trejo. Danny is the only one who does a good job of acting in this movie. Everyone else looks foolish and buffoonish, giving the movie a very sophomoric, high school, blood and gore fest look.

There’s nothing sexy about the nudity and sex in MACHETE, which are extreme. Also, after the first couple minutes of violence, most people will become extremely desensitized. That said, thousands of studies show there are susceptible people such as Ted Bundy and Al Gore enamored, eco-terrorist James Jay Lee who tried to blow up the Discovery Channel in September 2010. So, some illegal immigrant may decide that every American is evil, America is corrupt and that it’s his or her job to start the revolution.

Hopefully, MACHETE will fail at the box office. If moviegoers want a real Hispanic superhero, they should screen some Zorro movies. Or, get Disney’s wonderful TV series on Zorro featuring the dashing Guy Williams.

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