By Michaela Gordoni
HGTV’s Erin Napier says she helps her marriage work by speaking kindly and never assuming she knows what her husband is thinking.
“The reason I think we have a happy marriage with very very little conflict is that I don’t let myself tell stories about him,” she said on the July 18 episode of “The Heirloom” podcast. “I just say…are you doing this? Are you thinking that?”
“And he says right back to me what he’s really doing and thinking,” she said. “We’re together all day, so it’s very easy for us to do that.”
She said that their communication helps her mind not wonder about his actions or intentions.
She went on to share that she did have a seven-minute feud with Ben recently over a huge trashcan in his shop he hadn’t taken out in months.
“I said, ‘Baby, it’s time. It’s time. Tomorrow’s trash day. The truck’s coming. Let’s do this together,’” she said.
The two fought to get the heavy trash bag out of the trashcan, but it broke and liquid spilled out, and they struggled to take it the street. Erin was disappointed Ben had put it off for so long.
“I glared at this man that I love who is the father of my children,” Napier said with regret.
Ben gave her a testy look, but they made up.
The Napiers have filmed their show, HOME TOWN, together for 10 years.
“I am extremely thankful for the show for a lot of reasons, but most of all is probably because it has been training for Ben and I to all day every day speak to each other and speak to each other with kindness,” she explained. “And so when we get home, we still do.”
She added they never speak to each other in a way they wouldn’t want to be filmed.
“I heard a preacher say once…do we sometimes speak to the checkout lady at the grocery store with more kindness than we do to our spouse? When you think of it that way, that cuts deep,” Erin said.
Related: Why Erin Napier Credits Drew Barrymore for Her Marriage to Ben
“That’s why this trash can thing was a big…We don’t criticize each other,” she said.
When they first got married, Erin would complain to Ben about his bad habits, but then she realized she appreciates him so much — the man who gets up at 4:30 a.m. to write her a love letter — that she has no business complaining at him.
“He’s very intentional about every single decision he makes. Every decision he wants to make sure that it’s gonna make me feel good and feel loved or the same thing with the girls,” she shared.
“And anyway, I just, I feel like that has something to do with we spend every moment of our day together talking to each other on camera and it has sharpened our tools to filter…how to communicate with each other. I feel really lucky for that.”
Ben also agrees that their gentle communication is what makes their marriage work.
“Erin and I always say communication is a key element in a happy marriage,” Ben told Us Weekly this year. “The vast majority of our job is a director saying, ‘Hey, that just happened — give me some thoughts on it. We ping-pong off each other.”
They admit the biggest conflict creator is cellphones because they steal attention.
“You’ve got to say focused and pay attention. But if we sit down and watch something and one of us is on the phone then we’re not having a movie night together,” Ben said.
Erin has also said prayer and mutual grace and support have kept their marriage working well.
Read Next: Erin and Ben Napier Reveal Their ‘True Test of a Marriage’
Questions or comments? Please write to us here.
- Content: +2Share:
- Content: +1