This Might Be the Most Important Tip to Keep Your Marriage Strong
By Movieguide® Contributor
Candace Cameron Bure invited husband Valeri and authors Dr. Josh and Christi Straub on her podcast to share how they cope with conflicts in parenting.
Both couples admitted that there are challenging dynamics that kids bring into the family, but how both spouses react to inevitable conflicts is essential for a healthy marriage.
“I think it’s important at the outset of this conversation, as we set the stage, to be thinking about if you’re married, and parenting is the conflict, is going, ‘How do I prioritize my spouse’s viewpoint, their feelings around this…and making sure I’m fighting for my spouse rather than fighting with my spouse,’” Josh said.
“[W]e have enough disagreements between just two of us, and then you add another three personalities into that. That is a hard thing to do, so we attack that by trying to be on the same page as much as we can,” Valeri said, who shares three children — Natasha, Maksim and Lev — with Candace.
Valeri used an example of when there would be a disagreement between him and Candace regarding one of their children, they would discuss it in private.
“[T]here were times when he’d be like, ‘Hey, we need to talk. Because I don’t agree with…what you said with the kids,’” Candace recalled. “I’d be…‘I totally thought you were on my side,’ and he’s, ‘No…but I’m not going to challenge you in front of the kids that way because we are a united front…So let’s talk this out.’”
Candace revealed that their parenting approach evolved as the children got older to where sometimes she felt that it was okay for their children to see that she and Valeri weren’t always in agreement.
“[I]t was important for me to teach Natasha that you can be respectful and disagree as a woman, and so as they got older, I pushed a little bit more in front of the kids with Val, and that was on purpose, because I was like, ‘Your voice is important too,’” the FULL HOUSE star said.
The Bures opened up about how they handled another source of contention, and that was how to balance spiritual life with sports— for Maksim and Lev who play hockey, and Natasha playing tennis — where games would sometimes take them away from attending church.
“Sports have been a huge part of our lives. However, as mom here going, ‘Hello, we’ve got to prioritize God before sports and all of this,’” Bure recalled.
Eventually they came to a compromise that they would go to Bible study or attend church another day of the week. She says it came from a commitment to letting Valeri be the spiritual leader of the household.
“I want to also trust him, and in the most supportive way, biblically, you’re responsible for those decisions that you’re making for our family,” she said. “If this is what you feel is best for our family, as your wife, I want to honor that and nurture it to the best of my ability.”
Christi, who hosts the “Famous at Home” podcast with Josh where they discuss marriage, family and spiritual growth, argues that it is important to model a marriage where spouses prioritize each other over the kids for their children.
“I think it’s such a shift when we’ve become so kid-focused or kid-centric in our homes, you know. It’s revolving around the activities of the kids, and it looks like we’re, I mean, some ways, almost like worshiping our kids,” Christi shared.
“I’ve heard it said so often that a kid feels safest when they know that mom and dad…this is the priority relationship, and that dad loves mom, and mom loves dad even more than they love the kid,” the mom of three said.
Beyond date nights, she shared that she and Josh began a habit where they talk just the two of them after their kids are asleep every night on their porch swing.
“Is it the fresh air? Is it just a different environment? But it started this thing where we’re like, ‘Every night, let’s just go out and sit on the swing, even if it’s five minutes.’ [Y]ou don’t bring your phone out, you know, where I’m, like, responding to text messages or whatever. I’m just talking. We’re just talking,” she said.
Candace revealed that the same day as the episode with the Straubs came out, Val’s father had passed away. She shared a tribute to her father-in-law, Vladimir Bure, on Instagram.
“Our hearts are broken as we grieve the loss of Val’s dad Vladimir Bure. I loved this man so very much,” her post read. “To me, he represented not only the gift of life (my husband) that I am forever grateful for, but one of strength, dedication, motivation, resilience, willpower and love. In my mind, he was the epitome of each of those words, a little bit super human in some way.”
In a happier post, the 48-year-old recently celebrated her and Val’s 30th anniversary of when they first met.
Movieguide® reported:
Bure shared a photo of her and her husband on Instagram and wrote, “August 18, 2024 marks the 30 year anniversary of the day Val and I met at a charity hockey game 🏒. I wish I had a picture of that day, but here’s one 30 years later to mark the occasion. I love growing old with you, my love.”
Many of Bure’s fans expressed their excitement for the couple.
“Oh my gosh you two are so adorable and I honestly love how color coordinated you two are!! I’d so watch a tv show about this couple and this song is great for the opener of the tv show too,” one person wrote.
Another said, “Aww 🥰 how cute ❤️❤️!! You both make a very beautiful couple congratulations.”
