Why It’s Important to Invest Your Time in Your Kids
By Movieguide® Contributor
Candace Cameron Bure and her husband, Val Bure, are sharing what they’ve learned as parents of three kids who are now in their 20s.
“One of the things I always say [is] you got to invest your time,” Val explained on Candace’s Sep. 3 podcast. “It’s a time that you invest into your kids, and a lot of friends of mine, they said, ‘Well, but you know, I don’t have a time. You know, I got to provide or I have to do this,’ and you will always find a time for kids, and the kids always value the time — that could be just one-on-one and sitting and listening to them.”
“…when Candace used to come in and watch the boys play hockey, and she goes ‘Well, why am I there? They don’t even know I’m there,’ and I said, believe me, they’re watching. They see you there. It’s very important that you show up and just sit there,” Val continued.
Candace recalled that she often didn’t want to be there because she was busy or it was cold.
“But I learned over that time that it really made a difference that I was sitting in the stands and not on my phone because that’s the other thing. I’d get called out—like, ‘Well, you were there, but you weren’t even watching me,’ and I couldn’t always comprehend that, and, you know, sometimes you feel like you’re in survival mode. I have a bunch of things that I’m doing.”
“Val taught me and the kids taught me that time was so valuable. To pay attention and to invest and be there because they are watching. They do see it,” she said.
Kids understand that physical presence and emotional presence are two different things.
“There’s a massive difference,” Candace said.
GT Scholars notes the importance of face-to-face conversations, which is a part of being emotionally available to your kids:
According to a study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, teens who reported high-quality communication with their parents were less likely to engage in risky behaviours. Additionally, these teens experienced lower levels of depression and anxiety than those with poor communication with their parents. Engaging in meaningful conversations with your teen builds trust and creates an environment where they feel comfortable discussing complex topics with you.”
It’s also important to set boundaries with a “firm but loving approach” that shows kids you mean business but are also there for them and have a listening ear, Evolve Adolescent Behavioral Health says.
Movieguide® recently reported on the Bure’s setting boundaries with their kids:
“I don’t know if this is surprising, but no, it wasn’t hard for me to set boundaries or for Val,” she responded.
“I’m also married to one of the most disciplined people I have ever known in my entire life,” she laughed. “His consistency and willingness to be a disciplined person is exceeding. So, it it wasn’t hard for me because also in the same way, again, going to go back to being a kid actor, those were things I had to be as a child. So that set an expectation for what I thought my children should be able to do.”
Candace and Val strongly believe that it’s important to tell teens ‘I love you’ and hug them — especially for dads.
Val said, “I have a funny saying, you know, with Max in the morning. I go, ‘Who loves you, boy?’ and he goes, ‘You do.’ I go, ‘That’s right’…So it’s a very important thing, and you know my father, for example, did not say ‘I love you’ or hug me as much and not that as, you know, I’m missing the part, but I want to give my kids that opportunity to feel loved. I didn’t hear as much of the relational. I didn’t get the physical, emotional hugs and love, so I’m going to do that with my children.
“And you’ve you have done that the whole lives of our children,” Candace told Val, “and been such an incredible example in that way, and I think you know I just keep hearing even the example…the father’s role in a child’s life and particularly when they are in their teenage years is so significant and so important, and we’ve seen it in many examples, sadly, in our lives of people that we’ve seen where the dad isn’t as present because they are working and then they come home and [he’s] just it’s too tired.”
Candace knows that it’s critical for dads to show emotion and make time for their kids. It’s better for the dad, the kids and the family as a whole.
“You see the distance in those relationships and while I believe that moms are typically more naturally nurturing, it is really so important that the dad show the emotion and the love that makes the significant difference when you’re raising teenagers.”
