By Gavin Boyle
Editor’s note: This story discusses suicidal ideation and attempt. If you or someone you know struggles with your mental health, please reach out to the National Suicide Hotline, 988.
In her upcoming memoir, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor, Amber Smith, wife of former country star Granger Smith, highlights how God saved her husband from suicide after their young son, River, drowned.
“That night my sweet, incredible husband, the wonderful father of my kids, put a cold Glock 9mm in his mouth. I cry even typing this. It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out,” Amber writes in her upcoming book, per PEOPLE. “I wish I had known. I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’”
Related: How God Provided for Granger and Amber Smith Amid Suffering and Loss
“But I didn’t have to. By the sheer grace of God, Granger became aware that the voice quietly telling him to pull the trigger wasn’t his own,” she continued. “He realized suddenly that he was under attack. He was engulfed in spiritual warfare.”
Amber and Granger were both devastated following the heart-wrenching drowning of their 5-year-old son, River, but found hope in the Lord. They have also used their loss as motivation to help others avoid such a tragedy by raising awareness about water safety with kids.
“I’ve never felt the Lord more close than I did in those moments by the pool, in the hospital, in the days, weeks and months following the burial of our son,” Amber told Fox News. “And before that, my husband was raised in a Christian home. I went to church when I was little. But I wasn’t quote, a ‘full Christian.’ We would say we were cultural Christians.”
Now, Granger has fully committed his life to the Lord, choosing to give up his successful career in country music to work in ministry full time as a pastor.
“Knowing Jesus and telling others about Him is the treasure of my life,” Granger previously said. “And I want you to know this, so you can have Him as your treasure too. I want my family to experience it and my kids to know this joy. I don’t want a career based upon building a name for myself to get in the way of that, no matter what kind of popularity or career I’ve gained.”
“I don’t want the Granger Smith name to be famous, instead I want to proclaim the name of Christ! The one that has washed me clean, the one that has freed me from my shame and my guilt,” he added. “The one that gave me a new heart. I want Him to be known! And I want to know Him more.”
While the Smith family will always mourn the loss of River, it is incredible to see how the Lord has moved through the tragedy. Amber’s book, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor, releases on Oct. 14.
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Read Next: Granger and Amber Smith Say their Christian Faith is their Strength After Losing Son
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