"Unfunny, Occult-Themed Spoof"
What You Need To Know:
In practically every way, VAMPIRES SUCK is an abhorrent movie. It is a ridiculous, lowbrow, poorly executed, unfunny parody with lots of objectionable content. The new vampire movies and television programs certainly deserve a good, funny parody, but this movie is definitely not it! Please spend your money on something else. Or, better yet (considering the current economy), save it for a rainy day. If you still insist on finding a good movie to watch, however, please consult movieguide.org for the latest in positive, uplifting entertainment choices for you and your family.
(PaPaPa, OOO, HoHo, PC, AbAb, LLL, VV, SS, N, A, MM); Very strong mixed pagan worldview with major occult themes of vampirism and blood-drinking, several homosexual and lesbian jokes, one politically correct joke about the Fox News Channel and anti-biblical morality is promoted throughout; 25 obscenities, 11 profanities and one crude gesture; mostly strong comedic violence a lot of slapstick hits, punches, pratfalls, smacks, slamming into objects accidentally, vampire violence such as biting, sucking, blood spewing, stabbing, as well as hits to crotches, man is hit by car and his neck bones and arm bones are broken, some teenage mob violence, mace is sprayed in people’s eyes, man’s moustache is ripped off, guy juggles baby and bowling ball with the bowling ball falling on top of the baby (though it is obvious that it is a baby doll being used), pratfalls, many things slam into people’s heads with various objects such as bottles and light fixtures, and guy is stabbed in head with spiked bat; strong sexual content includes discussions of sex amongst teenagers throughout the movie, negative jokes about virginity, father makes joke about his daughter’s growing breasts, man keeps a sex doll where his daughter can see it, man grabs his crotch that is shown as being enlarged, and jokes about purity ring and homosexual kissing; female teenager in lingerie and lots of upper male nudity; beer use depicted but no drunkenness; and, lying, ignorant single father pays no attention to his daughter and major theme of occult vampirism.
VAMPIRES SUCK is an unfunny spoof comedy that lampoons the TWILIGHT books and movie series as well as other pop-culture vampire-themed movies and TV shows such as HBO’s TRUE BLOOD and BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.
The story follows Becca, an angst-ridden teenager who is torn between two guys – Edward, the mysterious and brooding pale-skinned vampire who longs to suck Becca’s blood but must resist out of his love for her and Jacob, the handsome young man who follows Becca around like a puppy, probably because he’s a werewolf. Before the prom, Becca must decide who she will love, Edward or Jacob. Meanwhile, she must also deal with her ignorant father, a pack of killer vampires and her raging hormones.
VAMPIRES SUCK is a ridiculous, lowbrow, poorly executed, unfunny parody. The movie’s only redeeming aspect is that it’s a brief 82 minutes. From the opening scene to the closing credits, the movie is not creative or fulfilling in any way. With a poor script loosely based on the TWILIGHT SAGA, inconsistent performances from the cast, cheap schtick from the directors and immoral teen content, the movie is neither a good satire nor a successful spoof.
The movie also contains excessive amounts of pagan and occult worldview elements as well as foul language and inappropriate sexual content and dialogue among the teenage characters. Included are several homosexual jokes and references, vampirism, bloodletting and violence (though the violence is mostly slapstick comedy such as pratfalls). The movie also mocks the wait-until-marriage message in the TWILIGHT SAGA. In practically every way, VAMPIRES SUCK is an abhorrent movie.